Legal Disclaimer : The below rant is a work of pure fiction, written by an extremely deranged writer. Any reference to any individual/organization/brand is purely coincidental. No animal was injured while writing this piece of crap.
Last Sunday, I was watching Koffee with Karan Jokar ( some people fondly call him K Jo… a la J Lo… Kahaan J Lo ..aur Kahaan K Lo… bas humare K Jo ko Jhelo.. aur is chakkar mey sabki Le Lo … Jaan Le Lo… #arzkiyahai #waahwaah). If you are cursing yourself why on earth are you reading this rotten shaayari , then hold on.. I get the same feeling whenever I watch K with K. The show gets excruciatingly ridiculous with each passing episode. Yet, people lap it up and the show gets ridiculously high TRPs .Proof of the pudding is its amazing sponsors :
- Poppo – a leading mobile brand ( the parent company had Khaali-wood superstars Vanveer Singh and Deep Ka Paad Kaun as brand ambassadors ). Why on earth are they paying money to sponsor this ?
If I had all this money, I would rather give 100 rs to every individual for not watching the show. That would build more credible brand loyalty and brand connect. A less farzi way of brand building in today’s age.
2. Woreal – a global beauty behemoth. It has some heavyweight brand ambassadors like Cashwarya Rai , Wrinkle Khanna yet it doesn’t trust the brand strength of these stunningly beautiful ladies. I Guess sponsoring this is a brand ambassador-hedging strategy.
Deyd dimaag marketing waalon – budget hai toh referral scheme chalao .. Get 2% cash back for every Woreal product referred.
“Blimey !!!” (Wrinkle must be thinking)
Recently, K-Joke won critical acclaim for his mind-blowing episode with cricketers Soft-dik Panda and K Yell Gandhi. Good questions asked, even better responses , praise all round. Soft-dik and K Yell were given Lifetime Khel Ratna for their inspirational words in this show. The previous title sponsor Koogle Home smartly disassociated itself from the show. They thought their low sales of their newly launched clone against Durexa (which is the market leader) will increase so much after this episode that they will be out of stock.
Poppo and Woreal continue to think that this ridiculous show is going to give exponential sales. Their management that their sales are going to improve at the rate of 2 raised to the power 129 cr every month because of the viralness of this show. Smart marketing brains.
Some ridiculously consistently annoying moments of this show –
#1. K- Joke : “ Van-bir or Van-veer? “
Me thinking : Dude, why ask this question to every celebrity who comes on the show everytime ?. Deep ka Paad Kaun being asked this question is understandable. But why ask this to Vijay Dey Gun, Bloodart Malhotra, Hippie Kaushal, Kameena Kapoor and hubby Safe Balidaan. I pity those celebs.
#2. K-Joke : “ Were you ever dating X, for a brief while?”
Scenario a): Celebrity Y: “ No, we were just friends and the media just made this up”
K-Joke wickedly smiling : “ Mujhe toh sach pata hai… Nee Nini Nee Nee… If you are not buying two chocolates, I am telling your mom about this ”
Scenario b): Celebrity Y: “ Yes, for a brief while… but we have now moved on”.
K-Joke in delirium: “For the first time on national television, we have Y admitting to her link-up with X. That’s THE best part about being on the couch. Mazaa aa gaya , Mazaa gaya .. yippee”.
Me thinking : Dude, is he a psycho? Why ask personal questions about exes when clearly, its not a comfortable question to be asked. Obviously, people link up and move on if it doesn’t work out. Just because you are a big shot director, who’s been lucky to be born with a silver spoon, you think you can get into the personal space of entire Khaali-wood…..
#3. K-Joke :” Who among the following would you BAE/PLAY/SLAY ?”
Me Thinking : I will BAE-friend my maid ( else I will never get to know when she’s taking chutti), PLAY with my dog and SLAY my Dhobi (he never gets my clothes ironed on time and i am forced to wear second choice clothes for job interviews).
#4. The torture continues in the Rapid-Fire Round. Celebs need to take a coffee shot if “Yes” is the answer.
K-Joke : “ Have you ever been in a Friends with Benefits Relationship ? Have you had crush with your co-star? If yes, did you make out on the set? Have you pooped in your vanity car? Have you spat in the face of paparazzi?
If the celeb takes coffee shots to any of these questions, then K-Joke gets up, screams orgasmically –“ Yasss Yasss Yass Yass Yass…. X has admitted this on national TV”
Me thinking : Moron ! Don’t you have anything better to do in life?
#5. The final nail in the coffin – The Grand Finale Quiz Round with Tie-breaker question.
K-Joke :” I want you guys to call up 3 vela-bonds . The need to answer on speaker phone –“ Hey K-joke, this is me,, and I am right now licking your….”.
Me annoyed : “ Please stop this shit”
Adding insult to injury, the celebs are ecstatic when they receive gifts for winning the rounds. As if they have won the football World Cup for India after 50 years…
Ridiculous show… Ridiculous to the extent that it’s one of the most watched, commented, Retweeted, Regrammed show on Earth.
Khatam Kar Pagle … Aur kitna rulayega?
Kuch Kuch Hota Tha.. Ab nahi Hota