Folks – Let’s test your logical reasoning skills. “All Indians like butter. Some Indians like corporate butter. Hypocrites are those who like Amul butter but don’t like Corporate Butter. Therefore, many Indians are hypocrites”. Is this true or false?
For example, if an Indian cricket fan meets MS Dhoni, takes his autograph and says “ Sir aap badhiya khelte ho” and narrates this incident to his friend, we all say “ Wow !! You are lucky. Happy for you”. Now replace the following words above with these –“cricket fan with corporate employee, MS Dhoni with boss and “khelte” with “ PPT banate”. “Sir aap badhiya PPT banate ho!”. A few eavesdropping hypocritical office colleagues (these folks would have been better working as paparazzi ) will discuss “ Dekh usko!! Kitna makkhan laga ra hai .. Psychophant!! .. Apni performance rating badhane ki koshish!! So disgusting!!!”
These Hypocritical lndians ( me included) like Amul Butter, but don’t like Corporate Butter. The heights of hypocrisy doesn’t end here. These folks, who proclaim in public that they hate corporate butter, want their boss to sing poems and poems of butter in their appraisal discussion. They will be happy to hear words like –“ You have high strategic orientation, extremely process driven, exceptional team player, cool as a cucumber, result orientation with execution excellence, butter, butter,more butter..aur bhi jyaada butter!!” They will come home and tell family members –“ Aaj appraisal bahut accha hua.. Socha tha ki boss mujh pe bahut makkhan lagaawein.. aur waisa hi hua.. S/He applied loads of butter on me… Tasty and lipsmacking butter.. I loved the butter so much that I will continue to build my skill sets so that more butter can be applied on me in every appraisal discussion! “
The typical hypocritical corporate butter hating Indian’s statement of purpose will read something like this –“ All Indians are my brothers and sisters. We all love butter, but only when it is applied on us. If we see someone else applying butter on others, we will bitch about it endlessly till that person eliminates the word “butter” from his corporate career. We are net importers of corporate butter. Applied butter on us in kgs >>>>>> butter we apply on others in micrograms”
These folks always swear by the Roxford dictionary of hypocrisy. If anyone talks good about them, they consider it “praise”. But the same word changes to “butter” if it is about someone else.
To cut a long story short……
Wait , before cutting it short, let me cut with a shaayiri
“Ae merey butter hating hypocrite
Bitching karke milna hai nai koi prize
Jab bread pe butter lagane mey aata hai mazza
Boss ko Makkhan lagane ko kyun samajhte ho sazaa
Bas kaam ley jaayega tumhe aage..
Makkhan ki baat karoge toh reh jaaoge peeche”
Many Indians are hypocrites. True or False? My MBA style conclusion “Well, it depends…”
P.S This article was originally submitted to Deccan Herald ( there was a word limit of 500 words) but there was no response from the newspaper on whether it is good, bad or ugly. You can share your feedback with me though 🙂